I thought I’d put off that column on ethanol subsidies I’d been planning to write this week and instead address the topic that has so riveted the nation — the hot new book “Godless: The Church of Liberalism.”

First of all, I’m getting a little fed up with people trying to make money off my book. Worthless little cable TV shows with teeny-tiny audiences, ridiculous legislators and tabloid newspapers are all trying to make a name for themselves off the profundity of “Godless.”

Second, let’s pause for a moment to observe that two facts are now universally accepted: Liberals are godless and Hillary’s husband is a rapist.

My book makes a stark assertion: Liberalism is a godless religion. Hello! Anyone there? I’ve leapt beyond calling you traitors and am now calling you GODLESS. Apparently, everybody’s cool with that. The fact that liberals are godless is not even a controversial point anymore.

In addition to the consensus position that liberals are godless, no one has made a peep about that swipe I took at Hillary, proposing that she have a chat with her husband before accusing others of being “mean” to women in light of Juanita Broaddrick’s charge that Bill Clinton raped her. Hillary beat a hasty retreat on her chubby little legs and is now hiding behind Rahm “Don’t Touch My Tutu” Emanuel.

Yes, the Democrats’ pit bull, Rahm Emanuel, is a former ballerina. And they wonder why the concerted effort of the MSM (as we call the mainstream media) and the Democratic Party can’t lay a finger on me. A ballerina. Hey, if the padded, silky shoe fits …

The establishment’s current obsession with me is the MSM’s last stand. They’ve deployed the whole lineup of yesterday’s power brokers against me, and all they’ve accomplished is to make my book the No. 1 book in the country. In other words, their efforts to defeat me have just created more people like me. Now who’s stuck in an unwinnable quagmire, losers?

Take note, conservatives: No American need ever fear the liberal establishment again. It’s all over but the sobbing.

Back when there were only three TV stations and no Internet, talk radio or Fox News, it used to be so easy for the MSM to destroy reputations — Joe McCarthy, Barry Goldwater, Richard Nixon, Robert Bork, Dan Quayle, Oliver North, Clarence Thomas, Pat Buchanan, Newt Gingrich, Paula Jones and Linda Tripp, to name a few of the MSM’s prey.

Liberals aren’t having so much fun now that the rabbit has the gun.

Last Wednesday, Brian Williams began the “NBC Nightly News” — currently watched exclusively by old ladies in nursing homes — with a report on “civility” in America, which has apparently been horribly despoiled by my book. Williams complained that the “explosion in our media, our deafening national noise level and our changing mores have made this a much different era in America than the one our parents grew up in.”

Oh, the civility of having only three TV stations back in our parents’ day! It was even more civil in the Soviet Union where there was only one TV station.

In precisely five minutes on the Media Research Center’s Web site, I turned up some random examples of the sort of civility we got from the MSM before the alternative media allowed conservatives to be heard, too. These are all-new quotes I’ve never even seen before. There are about a hundred more in my book “Slander.”

— On Pat Buchanan: “On the road I travel to the mall in Wheaton, Md., two white men severely beat two black women Tuesday. One was doused with lighter fluid, and her attacker tried to set her afire. Both men cursed the women for being black. I couldn’t help but shudder: That could have been me. This heinous act happened only hours after Pat Buchanan voters gave him 30 percent of the vote in the Maryland GOP presidential primary.” — USA Today columnist and former “Inquiry” page editor Barbara Reynolds, March 6, 1992

— On Lee Atwater: “(Lee Atwater) was a scoundrel, one of the darkest figures to dominate our recent politics, a man with a comprehensively cynical view of his fellow creatures. … He made it in the most improbable way, learning to dress at Brooks Brothers and keep his funky white trash wickedness too. … In running campaigns that played on racial divisions, he was something worse than a bigot; he was a man who pretended to be a bigot in hope that it would sell.” — Washington Post op-ed by reporter Marjorie Williams, March 30, 1991

— On Newt Gingrich: “So how do you put an end to what Jim Wright called ‘mindless cannibalism’? Do you put a muzzle on Newt Gingrich?” — “CBS This Morning” co-host Kathleen Sullivan, June 1, 1989

Ah, the civility of the old media! Sadly for the MSM, the Silent Majority is silent no more.

COPYRIGHT 2006 ANN COULTER
DISTRIBUTED BY UNIVERSAL PRESS SYNDICATE
4520 Main Street, Kansas City, MO 64111